Self reliance, independence and chicken sacrifices. What?

November 7, 2008 at 10:00 am 2 comments

Ooh boy.

Sometimes life can seem so scary, eh? (That was the Canadian in me coming out.)

I talked about the scariness of business decisions the other day. And I’ve been pondering that, and reading what other people have to say about business decisions, and making a business work without getting rid of the joy. And between Christine Kane and Naomi Dunford, I’ve realized what I’m stuck on – self reliance.

I’m still waiting for someone to save me.

And not in a “Ooh, I’m a damsel in distress” kind of way. But in like a, “Holy shit, what do I do now?” kind of way. I’m almost waiting for someone to walk up to me, give me all of the answers and then just by knowing those answers I will become instantly rich.

Right.

Don’t worry. I do realize how totally illogical that is. But I think a lot of people when they first strike out on their own feel like this. Like you’re waiting for the keys to the kingdom, waiting for someone to make it all make sense dammit!

And unfortunately, there aren’t really the typical “right or wrong” answers. I mean, there are basic things like, don’t yell at your clients because you’ll get terrible word of mouth. And don’t pull a Sweeney Todd and kill all your clients either. Once again, its hard to get repeat business that way.

But do you know exactly what’s going to work the first time around? Nope. Not a frigging clue. And that’s scary. It’s all about trial and error. And there’s the fact that we’re used to someone handing us a paycheck. And they deal with all that crap about how to get the money off of other people and get it to you in a paycheck. Not us.

So suddenly, when all of that is our responsability, its kind of overwhelming. We don’t know where to start. And we kind of just want someone to ride in on a horse (preferably white, but we’ll take any colour really, even spotted) and save us. And tell us that if we do A, B, C and then spin in a circle and sacrifice a chicken, everything will fall into place and we’ll be a success.

I wish. But until we can totally comprehend that all of this is up to us, and that we actually are competent folks who are perfectly capable of doing these things, we stall. And wait. And hope. And sacrifice chickens. (Or is that just me?)

So it basically comes down to being self-reliant. Its about independence, which as a young person with a disability, holy crap, do I ever want that badly. I think independence is one of the major driving factors in my becoming an artist. Because this is mine, mine, mine. All mine. And that feels good.

But up until now, I thought that independence was something I had to reach, that I didn’t have now. It was this hazy place, somewhere down the road, where one day I would wake up and be like, “Oh my god! I’m independent!” I think for me, moving out of my parent’s house is my big independent moment.

But I never realized that independence was something that I could have now. It’s not a place, but a state of mind. Its a way of being. Independence means being responsible for your business, your whole damned life, and answering to no one but yourself. Its about not waiting for someone to save you, but finding that white horse and saving yourself.

Admittedly, I’m not quite there yet. But just realizing that I can have independence now is a breath of fresh air. (And not “fresh of breath air” like I actually typed.)

What it really is though, is a breath of hope.

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Entry filed under: Art Marketing, Coping With Chronic Illness, Fear. Tags: , , , , , .

Lost: Identity. Found: Scared 12 year old. Jane Austen, business stuff, CFS, and a lack of chicken sacrifices.

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. originalpurity  |  November 7, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    good day sarah, I love that word ‘hope’. In a previous lifetime I came to this planet and released it into the world – i am certain 🙂

    I have to agree with a lot of things that you mentioned in this post. However I will say this too – that should you begin the journey then white horses, unicorns and any number of helpers will come to your aid.

    This is how I found it – its almost as if the world says – “dont talk about it start it and I will meet you”

    Have you seen the film – its one of my favourites – ‘field of dreams’ – build it and they will come.

    I say to you – start it and help will come – its a promise!

    Thanks for the email(s)

    Be truly blessed, Kal

    Reply
  • […] didn’t have to sacrifice a chicken for any of them. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Let’s give this another […]

    Reply

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