Positivity Fridays: A New Tradition! (Because I just complain too much.)

November 21, 2008 at 10:11 am 4 comments

Welcome to the first ever edition of Positivity Fridays.

I realized last night that I spend far too much time complaining on this blog, and being negative and feeling stuck. Which is all well and good, because that’s just where I am right now. But I’m never going to get out of that, unless I start talking about the good bits of my week. This is where I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for what I’ve accomplished, or finished, or even just come to terms with. Maybe even breakthroughs that I’m making. This way, I’ll always end my week on a positive note, and it’ll force me to give myself a little more credit than I do right now.

(I totally stole and bastardized this idea from Havi Brook’s FluentSelf.com Friday Check-In. Hopefully, she’ll forgive me.)

Alright, let’s get started!

Awesome Thing #1: I finished the painting from hell. Boy, did that feel good. And I’m super happy with the finished product, which is also a good thing.

I also finished another painting this week, Denbigh Castle, which was another stuck painting for me. Another artist had told me a while ago that it was too boring and needed more bushes and stuff in it, and showed me a sketch of how it should look, except it was nothing like what I’d envisioned in my head (I was trying to go for a minimalist landscape), and so I had this total self esteem break down for a while, where I thought that maybe the whole painting was just crap.

But go me! I got over that, and I’ve finished it, and I’m happy with it. I don’t think its boring, but maybe you do. I think its peaceful, and tranquil. But that’s just my take on it. You can think what you want.

Denbigh Castle by Sarah Marie Lacy

Awesome Thing #2: I finally saw Chris Cornell in concert. You don’t even understand how awesome and mindbogglingly cool that was.  I’ve been waiting 18 months to go see him (the first time he came anywhere near here since I fell in love with his voice and subsequently my boyfriend, it was a 19+ event. And I was 18. God I’m young.)

I was terrified I was going to repeat the pattern of my father and Jimi Hendrix, and he was going to die before I could see him live. Fortunately, he managed to not follow in the footsteps of many a rock star before him, is still alive and breathing, and singing like a freaking maniac. Oh my god, I thought I was going to die when he stepped on stage. And it was all intimate, and standing only, and so I was like 20 feet from the stage, directly in front of the mic. Plus, this concert was populated by incredibly short people. I’m no giant, but my 5’7″ height towered over them, so I had no problem seeing. Yeeah.

Awesome Thing #3: I actually set some goals this week. Modest ones, yes, but I actually did it, so for me, that equals BIG STEP. Because I’ve got all this stuff coming up, like “Oh my god, what if I fail? Then everyone will know, and they’ll all hate me and think I’m stupid and disgusting, and laugh me off the internet.”

But despite all this stuff, I set the goals anyways. So yeah. Go my team.

Awesome Thing #4: I got the last spot in a live painting event in Niagara Falls, which I am totally stoked about. It’s called the Total_Fusion Mind Funk Experience, and anything with a name that intense is obviously going to kick ass.

So what’ll happen is me, and about 11 other painters are going to paint and chill and there’s gonna be live music and some acting stuff, and a film crew broadcasting it live on the internet and food and booze, and its just going to be a swell time. So if you live in the Niagara Region and you’re reading this and you love me, you should probably just come. Even if you hate me, come anyway.

Awesome Thing #5: I thought I’d throw a fifth one in, because 5 is a nice, comfortable number. I’m weird okay?

This one isn’t so much a “good thing” per say. It’s more like a “Wow, I totally just realized this and its something that I should kind of work through” thing.

So I’ve got huge, HUGE, blocks about success. We all knew that. But I realized that even more specifically (and this kind of goes along with the whole “goal setting is scary” deal), I have blocks surrounding my vision of success. I don’t really know what success means to me.

I’ve been reading “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill, and its what got me thinking. His first chapter is all about having a burning desire for success. And I realized that, I don’t have that.

And it’s not ’cause I don’t want to succeed. I do. It’s almost like there’s this big wall between me, and my desire to succeed. Like a big wall between me and my ambition. I used to be a very ambitious kid, particularly before I got sick. But since then, it’s kind of faded, and now its this washed up memory of yesterday, this thing I used to have and feel. But that burning spark is gone.

It’s probably got something to do with having a pretty sketchy self esteem, and not a very strong belief in my own abilities. But it’s definitely something that I’m going to explore, and maybe figure out exactly what it is that’s blocking me here.

And that’s it. I’m done.

That wasn’t so bad, right? It actually feels kind of good. I love new traditions.

Got something that happened in your week that you’re totally happy about? Leave me a comment and tell me about it!

Let’s all just celebrate the awesomeness.

Have a spiffy weekend!

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Entry filed under: Accomplishment, Art, Good times, Stuff That I Can't Categorize. Tags: , , , , .

Don’t even bother reading this. It’s just me complaining for 803 words. I fell for the starving artist myth, hook, line and sinker.

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Feng Shui Candace  |  November 21, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    You don’t have to wait till the end of the week to be positive. All the negativity will make you twice as tired by the end of the week. Every night you could make a list of all the things you are grateful for. You could make a to-do list everyday and when you have accomplished these items feel proud, acknowledge yourself. Don’t make the list too big. Write down a couple most important things that have to be done. If you get to the others great, there is always another day.

    Reply
  • 2. Havi Brooks (and duck)  |  November 21, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    What kind of artist would tell another artist that her painting is “boring”? I’m thinking a. really jealous, b. intimidated or c. complete lack of understanding about art and what it means to be an artist and how the individual creative process works.

    Happy week. Happy awesomeness! Sounds like you got a heck of a lot done too. Right on.

    Reply
  • 3. Kathlyn  |  November 21, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    Hiya! I agree with Havi – what kind of PERSON (sorry about the allcaps) tells another person her painting is boring? It’s…well, an irrelevant comment at best and borderline ridiculous at worst…

    In re: burning desire – I feel you there. I read a lot about needing to have “passion” for what you do to get over the hurdles of the “process.” When I look at myself objectively, I don’t really have a passion for much of anything, except my family and eating. Neither of those really pays the bills. 🙂 If you figure out what your “desire block” is, please share it!

    Oh – and congratu-frickin-lations on finishing your painting *and* liking it – that is awesome. Happy Friday!

    Reply
  • 4. Kate  |  November 22, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    Oh, you lucky, lucky woman. I adore Chris Cornell, and have since *I* was 18, many years ago, in the early days of Soundgarden. Is he still as beautiful as he was then? Oh, that voice. Noone can match it, for me.

    The feeling of there being a wall between you and desire is something I can identify with. It’s only really this year that I’ve started actually *feeling* that I want things. I used to have so much trouble, whenever my friends and I would do abundance work, because the first step was always ‘work out what you want’, and I had no *connection* with my desire at all. It’s actually been a real joy this year to discover that there *are* things I genuinely want. For me, it was a big shift in my self-belief that did it, I think; I used to be too afraid to want anything because I guess I felt I would be too scared of it to enjoy it. But somehow I seem to have discovered that… well, I guess that I can do a lot more than I thought I could, which I’ve been discovering for years, but perhaps am only just starting to believe. Or maybe it’s an increased sense of faith that the universe isn’t going to bite me on the arse (at least not unless there’s a truck coming and I need to jump out of the way). Or something. I don’t know. Anyway, the point is, I think lack of desire is all about fear, and I recommend The Artist’s Way (Julia Cameron) if you haven’t already read it.

    Reply

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